The Art of Letting Go
Too many people I know are all victims of lost relationships. While I will probably go over why we love the people we love some other time, this post is about how we can let go if that love decides to leave. One thing that I must state is that WE CANNOT CONTROL LOVE. Love is like a free spirit that comes when we least expect it and may leave even against our will.
We cannot bribe or bargain with it. We cannot coerce it to stay. We cannot hold it down. For many people, there comes a time when love has to leave for some reason and it is never pleasant. As much as love brings about immeasurable bliss and seemingly eternal happiness; losing love is like traversing into the depths of the abyss with the pain of a million stab wounds.
Everyone who has to go through this feels trapped and desolate. They try to find meaning in the pain. Others resort to reckless and self-destructive behavior. The one thing that I notice is that everyone tries to rationalize why love left. Some may blame themselves while others point to their partners as the source of blame.
As much as the science behind Love is elusive, the tangible meaning of Lost Love is even more so.
This is where the “Art of Letting Go” comes in. The best person who has explained this is a Psychologist named Graciel Lintag whom I had the pleasure of meeting during a seminar at one of the universities here in Manila.
She spoke confidently about the “Art of Letting Go”. It was concise and drove the message home.
Let me share five significant things she said:
1.“Letting go would involve making a choice, taking risks and embracing change”
2.“It is very difficult to let go because it is human nature to become too attached to people or things, it is very difficult to find out how to let go from this attachment”
3.“There is nothing wrong to admit that you are hurting. It’s not wrong to give up and cry when you cannot take the pain already. Remember that clouds even cry when they cannot carry the rain anymore”
4. "When there is life there is hope. There is hope for new beginnings, new journeys, new story of love. Ending a love story right now does not mean ending life itself. Marami ka pang mamahalin"
5. "There are things that are not meant to be and there are things that are worth the wait. You may lose the love today but you have not lost the lessons and memories you have. Use it as an inspiration, the pain you are feeling right now, makes you believe in magic some more and makes you become a better person in a healthy and loving relationship."
If I were to base my advice on letting go and moving on on Ms. Lintag’s speech, I would sum it up like this:
1. Acceptance. An ended relationship is an inevitable change in life. People are naturally resistant to change. In order to move on, we have to accept the change and live with it.
2. Love is not a possession. We have no right to possess love or the person we associate to it. Love has free will as each and every one of us does. It will come and it may leave anytime. We have to understand that fact.
3. Feel the emotions and let it out. It is natural to feel sadness and express it. It is absolutely abnormal to still be okay and blissful when a relationship has ended. Remember that you are not suffering alone. The person who left you also feels some pain and guilt whether they admit it or not.
4. There is something better meant for us. We may think that we will never have the same love as what we lost. That is so untrue. I know many people who are thankful that they lost old loves in order to gain new and better relationships. You may think the person who left you is the only one who can make you happy. Again, wake up! That is NOT true. I believe that there is a person meant for everyone and they arrive when we least expect it.
5. Use the pain as lessons. I always say that pain is a wonderful thing because it teaches us to be careful in the future.
I could spend all day talking about this topic but the bottom-line is everything happens for a reason. We all see losing a relationship as a rejection of self which is actually also not true. We lose love for a reason and we should not close our eyes and our heart to the reality that someday the pain will be all worth it.
A famous line of mine is actually “In life we usually have to kiss 10 frogs in order to find our Prince/Princess. You may find your Prince/Princess on the 10th kiss but probably get warts 9 times before that” (Hahaha).
Don’t give up. Be real and feel the pain. Learn from it and then make the choice to move on.
It may be easier said than done but can truly tell you confidently from experience that it is possible.
The choice is yours.
Till next time. :)
