Love is Gone: Is the World Really Over?
Love is one of the most beautiful things in this world. As a physiologist, I am privileged to have been able to study how our brain processes this mysterious and powerful emotion. As a person, I am blessed to have experienced this emotion with all its joys and pains.
While I was listening to some of my saved songs on iTunes, I came across a song I have never heard before. It is entitled "My World is Over" by Diane Dane from "That Thing You Do" soundtrack. It is about a woman and her struggle to get over the man who left her for somebody else. Memories of a recent break up just months ago came flooding back into my mind.
That is the funny thing about songs. Sometimes, we get this feeling that every line in the lyrics is something we can relate to or that our life is embodied verbatim in these songs.
As I listened to the lyrics, I noticed myself being drawn deeply into the memories of the personal struggles I went through getting over a long-term relationship.
Yes, love is wonderful but when it leaves we are left torn and shattered into a million pieces. As I write this now I know that millions of hearts all over the world are getting broken.
So the question is; is the World Really Over when Love is Gone? Honestly, if you had asked me that question a few months ago I would have been compelled to say YES. However, time does heal all wounds and I have always been the type of person who never stays down for too long. So ask me that same question now and my answer will be a big, resounding NO. The World is NOT Over! It is just beginning anew!
People who leave have their reasons. We may not agree with the reasons but something we cannot take away from anyone is their free will and their right to choose. Anyone who leaves relationship behind is most likely no longer feeling love and continuing a loveless or one-sided relationship is like riding a boat with no sails. It will have no direction. It will just drift anywhere and go nowhere. The question we need to ask is do we want to remain in a relationship like that? We ALL deserve better than that!
Too many people dwell on the pain of a lost love. They cling on to that hurt as if it were as precious as the most brilliant diamond. Clenching on to a painful yesterday is like holding on to the blackest coal in your hand. It is useless and just gets you dirty.
Moving on is never easy. We formed attachments and bonds with the people we have had relationships with over the years. Having them in our life was almost as essential as our own existence. When they leave, we feel lost and abandoned. We wake up each day feeling that something is missing, We feel that life is no longer as blissful as we once perceived it to be.
How is it that some people move on faster than others? It's mainly due to choice. Some people cling on to hope and pain longer than others. Imagine holding a piece of burning coal in your hand. The longer you hold on, the more painful it gets. What is our natural reaction when holding on to hot items? We automatically let go. That is reflex. It is involuntary.
However, when letting go of the pain of lost love, a lot of us seem to have this tendency to dwell on the pain. Don't get me wrong; pain is also a wonderful thing because it teaches us to be careful and allows us to survive but dwelling for too long in it can be detrimental.
Too bad that we don't have that same reflex when it comes to matters of the heart.
So what can I say about dealing with lost love and how can this World still remain alive for those who are in pain? Well you can read my previous post on the "Art of Letting Go" offers excellent advice on how we should start moving on.
But in all honesty, I can boldly say that there are two things we should remember; CHOICE and ACCEPTANCE.
If getting into a relationship is a choice then leaving it is also a choice. It may not be our choice but we have another choice to make. That choice is to move on with our lives and live it the way it is meant to be lived. The world may be full of misery and strife but we have the option of living it the way we want to. Happiness should not be based on just the presence of a person alone. As it has been said "true happiness comes from within".
Instead of playing the abandoned puppy in the street, let's roam it and savor the sights and miracles around us. Perhaps, it's time to start doing other things or get into new hobbies or activities. Maybe, it's time to see old friends or make new friends. It's an opportunity to do things we could not do while we were in a relationship. As the saying goes "the world is our oyster"!
How about Acceptance? We need to accept that there are things that are meant for us and things that are not. Each and every one of us has a journey we are embarking on. The people who left chose to go on their own journey but time will come when someone else will come to accompany us on our journey. The sooner we accept that yesterday is past and that the future starts now; the sooner we can start the journey of healing and go down the path we were meant to take.
Months ago I woke up each morning wishing that I hadn't. I ignored the beauty of life around me. I functioned in society like a lifeless robot just doing what I was programmed to do. In essence, I felt I was walking around without a soul. Just an empty shell trudging to and from work day in and day out.
If you feel like that it is because your eyes are closed without you realizing it. One day while lying around in a dark room, I realized that I wasn't powerless. I had a choice and I made it. In due time, I felt my soul returning with guidance from above.
I dealt with the pain and faced it head on. I set anger and hatred aside and began to look around at the beauty of life. If there is life, there is hope. I opened my eyes and saw that there was still light amidst the darkness. That light is the true hope we should hold on to.
We should never hope the person who left us will return for they most probably never will. They left for their own reasons but again what should we remember? Acceptance! We have to accept whatever reason it is whether we agree with it or not. We should give our former partners at least that last ounce of respect by accepting their reasons. By respecting that, we also give ourselves the respect that is due to us.
The true hope we should cling onto is the future that awaits us. As I said before on TV "Human beings were designed to love and be loved" and with a billion people on this planet our chances of coming across another person who will share that journey with us is highly likely. :)
Don't shut out people who make the effort to stay in your life just because you are in pain. Let their compassion help you heal. We all have friends and family willing to help us and an Almighty God who is just waiting on us to call on HIM. We are never truly alone in this world.
The World is NOT Over. Love comes and sometimes it goes. If it stays then it's meant for us. It it leaves, may it go where it is meant to be.
Life is a wonderful miracle just as love is. We should never stop believing that.
Till next post - Doc France J.
