The Truth About Failure
In a past post of mine, I have referred to myself as being molded through failure and I attribute my current self to this. Someone asked me if I had a chance to do things differently would I do so? Probably not!
I really can’t imagine myself if my life had been all successes and no failure. I feel like there would have been so many lessons I would have missed out on if I had always been on the winner’s pedestal. That’s just me. I always tell my students that if they can work hard to avoid failure they should. If they can garner lessons from me to not experience the pains and aches I had then good for them.
However, we cannot deny that there are usually just two outcomes to every endeavor. We can either succeed or fail. A better word I have heard for failure is “delayed success” and I feel it is a pretty accurate way of putting it. It entails that failure is temporary unless you decide it becomes permanent.
I remember my friends who quit medical school to do other things. They may have escaped the consequences of their failures but entered into another world where new challenges could also spell failure or success. It is inevitable! We are faced with these two outcomes wherever we go.
Whenever I think of failure, I recall the mythical Phoenix that burns into ashes and then emerges as a powerful and majestic creature. We can relate to that in some way. In order to become the best versions of ourselves, we must first be torn down to allow us the chance to return to achieve our success.
Just days ago, I remember telling a class of medical students that in order to appreciate my success, I had to first fail. My failures made my successes so much sweeter!
In the same way, when I passed the Physicians Licensure Examination, after failing it once before, I cried an almost unending sea of tears of joy and relief afterwards. The elation I felt at that moment was most probably ten times more than those who passed the exam on their first take.
Ellen DeGeneres said it best with this; “It’s failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.”
It does not get truer than that! Despite what has been inculcated into us by a society that seems intolerant to failure, it is not something that we should fear to the point of paralysis. When we fail, it is easy to pass blame on our circumstances, others and even ourselves but is that even productive?
Failure is painful and it’s normal to grieve and be depressed when we miss the mark but is that the end? As long as we are alive, we have all the opportunities to move past our past failures and achieve the success we all covet.
Even now as a doctor and professor, I still experience failures in many forms. Having achieved some form of success does not make me immune from future failures. I embrace the fact that it is a part of life. If I am doing something to improve myself then failures will loom around me and will be ready to strike at any moment. Accepting this fact keeps my fear of failure at bay. The fear is always there but it never paralyzes me anymore.
You know what I do whenever I experience failure? I give myself about a week to mourn. Some people drown themselves in alcohol when mourning but I decided that obliterating my liver in the process of mourning was not in my best interest. :)
After one week of grief what do I do next? I pick myself up and analyze where I went wrong. What do I need to watch out for or what about me needs to change in order to succeed? These are important questions I ask myself. Some things can be remedied almost immediately but some other things may need more time to develop. This is where patience comes in and is an essential virtue of successful people.
There are times you may need to step back and away from the situation in order to get a broader view. There is no clear-cut way in tackling this but know that we all are inherently blessed with problem-solving skills. Instead of wasting our time and energy dwelling on how “cruel” the world is to us, let’s use that time to step back and plan our path to success taking into account our shortcomings that caused us to fail.
I heard someone say, “Sometimes by losing a battle, you find a new way to win the war”. That may be unheard of if you are a military commander but there is great truth in that saying.
The question someone else did ask me before is “When you do know if the war is over?”
My answer to that is “When you’ve won or given up completely!”
Never accept failure as the endgame! If you fail and fail again, it means your war isn’t over. If you quit then that’s it. You have put an abrupt end to your war and will spend the rest of your life asking more questions, which may never be resolved.
What is my point in all of this? What I am saying is that failures and successes are only temporary consequences that are the result of our own decisions. What we don’t realize is that the only control we have over what’s happening around us is our self.
We can only try to influence everything external but the choice to soldier on is still ours. No one can take that away from us. How we react or respond to our circumstances is our own doing and yes we can control this. What we do after a failure is also something within our own control.
We are never powerless unless we decide that we are.
How many times have you heard of people taking their own lives due to a colossal failure? That was their decision and in some cultures it is deemed honorable to do so.
For me, such drastic acts are unnecessary. Amazingly, we live in a society that is slowly seeing the light. A world where failure and success coexist on the same domain but what is the beauty of it all? We get to choose our outcome!
If you are suffering from the pain of failure as you read this, embrace the pain. Why? For that will serve as your fuel to propel you to the success you deserve! The more pain you have, the more drive you should also have to succeed. Failure is never final unless you say it’s so. Never let failure be the end of your story!
I believe that everyone deserves to be successful but the most interesting part is not the result but the journey towards it. Failures can be heartbreaking but how can we ever truly appreciate the sweetness of victory without swallowing the bitterness of past defeats.
Life is a long chain of successes and failures. The more we experience this, the more enriching our life becomes. Trust me, I’ve been there and I am still travelling down the same road you are. My war isn’t over yet. :)
Before I end this post let me share some quotes on failure with the hope that you will acquire a better appreciation for your situation now and what you should look forward to in the future.
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” - Robert F. Kennedy
“Giving up is the only sure way to fail.” - Gena Showalter
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” - Denis Waitley
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” - Ellen DeGeneres
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” - Paulo Coelho
“Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.” - Robert T. Kiyosaki
“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping-stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” - Johnny Cash
“Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I've met people who don't want to try for fear of failing.” - J.K. Rowling
“We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery.” – Samuel Smiles
“Remember your dreams and fight for them. You must know what you want from life. There is just one thing that makes your dream become impossible: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho
Till next post – Doc France
Also read: Failure Builds Character
